Relieved

I am back from my holiday and it was good. I was not angry or felt down. The black hole didn't appear.
Everyday I did my exercise and loose my energy, I really took care of my food, so everyone was happy.
We had a great holiday as a family, so now we know how to do it.
For me it a great relief that I really can enjoy my holiday again. But it is clear to me that I have to move during the days and not just sit down and read my book. Than I can become grumpy and emotional. I need to stay in balance. Now I know how to manage my energy.

Leaving

Tomorrow we will leave for a holiday. I am really relaxed and I believe I will enjoy it.
I must take care of my energy level so I must walk or swim everyday.
That is also good for my blood sugar.
I hope I have the discipline to act this way. When I am on holiday I just want to do nothing.
My therapist told me that that was just very wrong for me.
I have a problem with my energy. I have to much of it.

I will write next week about my experiences

Diabetes

Today I heard that I have diabetes. I was expecting this but not so soon. My bloodsugar was 18 so I must be looking very good after myself. Maybe this is allso a trigger for my depression. I know when your bloodsugar level is going up and down your mental status is allso running up and down.
I have started with some medication already today.
I feel a little bit sad and disappointed with this news, I think a lot of nice things are over now. I really like good food and a good glas of wine, but I must take care and look for a good diet to keep my disease under control.

black hole

Back on the Front

Well I am back. After my last post I lost my feeling for writing. I was so busy with a lot of things and I felt really good.
I still feel very good, but I had 2 dark moments in the last 5 weeks. The first dark moment appears when I was out with my wife for our 12,5 year anniversary for our marriage.
I was in our hotelroom and I felt so down and empty, I even dreamed about it. The next day I was a little quiet and my wife noticed that of course. When we arrived at home my parents invited us to go out for dinner and than I also felt a little down.
In contrast of these dark moments the next evening we went out for dinner again with our kids and that felt really good. It was a surprise for them and for my wife. I had arranged it because of our anniversary. It was a great succes....
Last sunday was my second dark moment. just a second and I was so angry...
I felt really down and was not able to communicate with my wife. We both went to bed angry and quiet.
We talked with my therapist and we think that a lot of my problems appears when I have to much energy. I must get rid of these surplus of power. So now I am looking for a way to do something fysical.