Back again

It was a quiet week. There was not much action and my mental status was good.
Yesterday I received an email from a jobagency. They asked me for a job....

I found out that it was about the same job as last week. The owner of the business has already choosen someone. I felt good about the interest in me, but I had to say no.

Tomorrow we go to a leisure park. I hope we have a nice day and that I will keep my mental balance.
We allso discussed our next holiday last week. My wife has some doubt about it, but we will try it again next year. I think it wil go better.

Party

Today was the birthday party of my brother in law. Normally I don't like this kind of parties because I felt left alone mostly. But today it went really well. We had some nice discussions and they talked on my level.
Sometimes I feel that they don't take my for full. Now I feel better and I felt all right.
I feel good and no black hole coming.

Reject

No, I didn't get the second interview. Today I recevied the letter that I wasn't good enough. I was not surprised. During the interview I had the feeling that we didn't understand eachother. We were talking in different worlds.
So we must look further.
I don't feel falling in a big black hole. I was hoping that I was reject, because I had not a good feeling about the job after the first interview.
My eye is getting better and I have no problems with working.

Sick

Now I am sick. I had to go home because my eye was very painfull. When I looked to something it really hurts. We went to the hospital and I got eyedrops and they really help.
I was walking with sunglasses even inside. Every change in the light makes me shiver and was very painfull.
After a couple of drops it is gone and I feel good. Tomorrow I go back to work and next week the doctor wants to see me again.

Job interview

I had my job interview today. It was a good meeting, but I think they don't pick me. Not because I don't believe in myself, but they have an other idea of the job than me.
I don't feel down or full of black feelings. It was an interesting discussion about the ins and outs of the vacancy. I was very quiet about specific items. I wanted them to talk about their thoughts. That didn't work quit good, but I have no problem with that. I keep looking around.
Tonight I have a meeting at the club about some teams. I will listen to them and than make a wise decision, or not. We will see.

Interview

Next week I will have my first interview for a new job. I was surfing on the net and I found this job. I knew the company because I applied there a couple of years ago, but I couldn't get the job.
Within 3 days they called me and we made an appointment for next tuesday.
It feels really good. I know this is the first talk, but I feel relaxed and full of energy. What a difference with last sunday.
It seems that the outlook of a new step in my life makes me really feel better. But I must be aware of the possibility of a great disappointment. I am sure that I am not the only candidate, ofcourse I am the best.....
Well, we see next week.

Bad feeling

Yesterday was a black day. I felt all day the anger inside me. I had a big argument with my wife and I had the feeling that my life was over. There was nothing left to live for.
The base of our fight was my intention to change to another job. My wife wants security and she wants straight and honest answers from me. I just want to do my thing and didn't want to talk about it.
My wife was right and I have listen to her. Today I have done the things she proposed yesterday. The things I didn't want to do, for my personal reasons.
Now I feel better and things are in progress. I hope to get answers soon.
I hope the anger will leave me and I stay relaxed.

Quiet

I have been a little quiet on this log. There was a lot to think about and there was some kind of writers block.
On monday I had my talk therapy and we discussed my feelings in the weekend. I need the structure of work, I cannot sit still. I must push myself to the limit.
In my daily job there is little challenge so I must look for that.
I am stil thinking about the scooter import, but I must first discuss that with my wife.
She is against such plans, because she wants security. I must think of a plan with very low risk and very high security.
When I think of leaving to an other job, I feel that I don't want to work for a boss anymore. I want to be my own boss and I know that I can do that.
But first I have to convince my wife. That is the major task for the coming weeks.

Weekend

In the weekend I always feel myself down. Last night I felt my self really unhappy. Today my boys had to play soccer and I was not so enthousiastic as normal.
We went to my office today and felt reliefed. I am really an workaholic.
I feel myself at my best when I am working. When I got home I feel myself not at he right place. Especially when I know there is a lot of work to do at the shop.
I try to be a family man, to come home at normal hours, to do nice things with my wife and kids and to spend time at home, but inside myself I only want to work and be at my office.
That is maybe also a part of my illness, we will find out.