Family

I try to feel a part of the family. It is sometimes hard, because my familymembers know each other for more than 30 years.
I feel myself sometimes standing on the sideline. They have so much history together.
At this moment when the funeral is coming I still don't feel a part of the family. It is difficult for me to say exactly why, but it feels that way.
I must attend at the funeral but I do that for my wife and kids, not for myself. I don't have much emotions with my father in law. Most of the time I have know him he was ill and complaining about his illness.
There are ofcourse also nice moments, but I have trouble to find them.
It is a strange period now and I hope it will soon be over.