Avalanche

Today it went really well, but when I came home it really went down. My wife had a bad day because she was really tired and the kids were very noisy.
I was prepared for this so it was no surprise, but at the end when I was working on my computer it really snapped in my mind.
The anger came over me like a avalanche, I kicked against the door and became very, very angry.
I was aware of my emotions and I knew how to handle them. I became very quiet and still. I brought my son to bed without speaking one word.
My wife asked me later if she was quilty of my negative emotions, but I was only self quilty about these negative emotions.
I realised that I have a lot of work to do about myself to find my mental balance and be a nice and friendly daddy. It is allso very disappointing that I am free for a couple of days and I think I am not in a very good mood, because I have to climb back out of my Black Hole.

Mothersday

Today was mothersday, so I must stay calm and nice because my kids had prepared somethings for their mother. You must give them the feeling that it is very good what they do.
It went really well in the morning, they made breakfast, what they normally don't do.
We gave mother her presents, so that went well.
I even played a game with my sons. I cannot play a game because I hate to loose. My sons beat me and that was even no problem, I was a bit angry of myself because I had lost, but I stayed nice and friendly to them.
But then my youngest son said something and the anger stepped out really quick and heavy. I was so angry that I had to step outside the room and ran to the bedroom. I became a little bit calmer and was able to get myself washed and dressed with a more quiet mood.
My sons told my wife that I had a "attack of anger ".
The whole afternoon I felt a little bit down and quiet. The anger came back when I had to install the gifts from this morning. I very quick get the feling that I am not able to install anything and that I am not qualified to do such things.
But at the end it was ready and very good installed.
Sometimes the anger helps me to perform better or to achieve my goals. The adrenaline helps me to concentrate better.