Therapy

This afternoon I had talk therapy. It was the first time in 7 weeks and I really needed it. It is always nice to talk about your illness and feel yourself and your problems understood.
It is getting better after this bad weekend. I have more control about my emotions and feel more relaxed.
This week we have a great event in our local area and I will be responsible for the saturday. That gives a bit of stress. That feels good, but I feel also a little fear that it goes wrong. That makes me uncertain, but I try to handle that.

Good news

I went today to my therapist and it really went good. She is very satisfied about my progress and she was happy with the way I handle my dark moments.
I ask her what happens with the problems what triggered my depression. The answer is that those events will stay in my system and will be a part of my mental status, but I will learn to manage and recognize the difficult moments and handle them.
Of course I will get angry and of course I will have a bad mood sometimes, but when the black hole is coming to me I am able to manage that and stay the nice husband and father.
I must learn to face the heart of my problems and give them a place in my system.
That is the new mission for the coming weeks.

Getting stronger

Today I felt more stronger than yesterday. It seems there was no black hole 2 days ago. It is very strange that you are positive and believes in the good things after only days of suffering and feeling completly lost and down.
I can not imagine to go back in the black hole, but is there outside waiting for me.
It is like a great and mean predator standing outside your save house. Everytime when you look outside you maybe see but mostly you feel the monster. You don't want to go outdoors, because it is save and warm inside.
In life you must go out, so you have to fight the monster.
Now you feel confident about this fight, but for how long?