Balance

Last night I felt I still have to work on my mental balance. My youngest son had a bad dream and couldn't sleep. He told that he had a nightmare about his dead.
When I heard this I really felt cold inside myself. I couldn't sleep again.
I was totally out of balance and I saw allready his empty bedroom and his grave.
Sometimes just a little thing can strike you like a rocket.
Today I had a good session with my therapist and she was allso very satisfied.
It is still a long way to go, but there is progress.
We found out that my main problem is my drive to become a winner. I allways want to be the best, but that is not important. It only keeps you going and thats no good.I allways want to stay in front, I don't want to miss anything.
This is offcourse one of the reasons for my illness.
We found out that it is more important to mean something for someone. In that way your live can get a meaning. If you only live to become number one, there is no reason for being here.
The reason for your live is to mean something for someone else.

Standing up

Today it went better as yesterday. I felt more relax and the anger was far away.
I even played a game with my sons and we had a lot of pleasure. I was able to lose without any bad feelings.
It was relaxed, I was in balance and that gave me a good feeling. After the dip from yesterday I was allready in balance after one night sleep. That is a good sign.
I am better to overcome a black hole in such a short time. I had allready project 3 to 4 days to find back my mental balance, but it is there now.
Off course it helps that I had no special things to do today or to pay any visit. I was at home all the day.
But it gives me a good feeling and that is the most important lesson from today.