Sinking

The last days went up and down. I felt very good during the weekend, but sunday night it went very deep down. The predator came into my safe house and killed all of my good feelings.
It started with my son who didn't listen to me and I really got very angry. I send him to his room and my wife said to me that I did it a little bit wrong.
At such a moment I felt all my good feelings flew away from me and the monster of lack of selfrespect came in. I felt the world is no longer turning anymore, my life came to an end and will stay this way as long I live.
My selfconfidence disappeared directly and I start to think that everything is against me. I said to my wife that I felt empty and dead inside.
We talked about this and allso about my reaction on my son and that I had to make it good with him, before he went to sleep. You must never go to sleep angry she allways told me.
I talked to my son and we made it up to each other, so this thing was cleared.
My wife told me allso that I had to believe in my self and that the family have faith in me and they don't want to lose me.
When I am angry I really felt of running away from everything, but that will not solve the problem. The only way to get out of my depression is to work on myself and listen to the people who love me.

New start

Today my selfconfidence gets a real boost. I'm in the running for a new job. I was allready talking with them in January, but I got the impresion that they don't want to do business with me.
They only talked with me, because they had to from their bosses, but it seems that the people really wants me. That gives a really good feeling. My selfconfidence and respect will rise.
It will take a while before the whole thing becomes reality, but the feeling that people really wants you is very good.
Last night I felt really shaken up, see my former post, but that feeling is gone. There is more joy inside me and the monster is far away in the bush.