Weekend

In the weekend I always feel myself down. Last night I felt my self really unhappy. Today my boys had to play soccer and I was not so enthousiastic as normal.
We went to my office today and felt reliefed. I am really an workaholic.
I feel myself at my best when I am working. When I got home I feel myself not at he right place. Especially when I know there is a lot of work to do at the shop.
I try to be a family man, to come home at normal hours, to do nice things with my wife and kids and to spend time at home, but inside myself I only want to work and be at my office.
That is maybe also a part of my illness, we will find out.

Dead

Today my father in law died. I was standing with my wife and her mother, brother and sister and we saw life getting out of his body. I felt really emotional. I even felt tears in my eyes. It is a very special emotion to be in a room with the dead very nearby.
It is strange to see the man who was alive become just a shell with tissue.
Er was today no room for my problems, I was there for my wife and family. This morning and last night I had to prepare my kids for this event. The oldest was very emotional and the youngest stayed calm.
I am still calm and really relaxed, but we will see what happens in the coming days and at the funeral.

Power

Today I needed my power.My father in law is in the hospital and they more or less fear for his life. Now I have no time to think about my illnes, but I need to be strong for my wife.
But now I am stepping a side and that is no good. I must stay focused on my one problems, I cann't hide them.
I will support my wife in this difficult moments, but I allso have to pay attention on my own situation.
Today I had a good conversation with my boss. He will support me when I needed more or other therapy. The company is insured for hese kind of problems, so if I want more help, they wil find it for me.
I know this a unique offer and when I need it, I will use it.

My kids today told me that they feel unhappy when I got to work last monday. They miss me, because they thought that I was at home this week.

I must be proud about such a statement.

Birthday party

Yesterday my youngest son became 8 years and we celebrated this with his little friends.
It is very refreshing to hear what these young world citizens know about the world.
They know exactly which car is the fastest and in which country they are produced. The discussion was about the ranking in topspeed, but they agreed that a Ferrari is faster than a Porsche, but a Lamborghini is even faster.
They allso know all about vulcano's and there eruptions, but they discussed what is lava and what is magma.
All these subjects are discussed by 8 and 9 year old kids on the backseat of my car.
It really makes me happy to here such simple things, because it gave me a great reason to be here and to enjoy these kids for their honesty and their strong believe in what they say. They really believed every word they said to each other in the back on our way to the playfarm.